Awful Days of the Job
by Meiruorin
Summary: I thank Deekz for a humourous parody... so I made it for him/her. PG-13 for violence and gore...


A Really Bad Archimonde Movie  
  
Awful Days of the Job  
  
A Cranky Narrator who is disappointed with the day of a job: Testing. Mike test. mike test. I'm Mike and this is Tess. oops! (coughs.) okay. I will tell you a dumb to the bone story about Archimondes Very Bad Movie that does not end up in the Academy Awards. where everything that could possibly go wrong happened. (sigh) It all started a few awfully upsetting months ago in a set like no other. In the Canadian Rockies, oh wait, Isn't suppose to mean a Medieval place. my name by the way is Meiruorin the sunset shaped, OK, football shaped headed Night Drow of an ancient Night Elven Race where people end up dead because of people calling names. Any questions about a night drow? Okay, a night drow is a mix between a night elf and a dark elf or drow in short. But that is not my point, the story is all about this.  
  
(The entire scene ripples the entire scene 'cuts' to the part 3 months ago in the studio.)  
  
It all began in the studio wherein we are called in for the shooting. Me and Draloromn, another night drow, are waiting for a few instructions.  
  
Assistant: Let me brief you Night Drows, uh, what will happen in this scene: You are enjoying a delightful picnic at a lush clearing within an 'enchanted' ( with both hands up to the air gesturing the quotation marks) forest when suddenly a five hundred foot tall, Omnipot. omnipo. popotnet. Ahh!! Forget it all-powerful Archimonde looms over the far horizon. Now you night drows shriek like little girls as the demon ruler roars. And with a single wave of searing, infernal heat from his hands, he blasts the whole countryside into a smothering wasteland. incinerating all trees and woodland folk. When the smoke clears you will all lie dead. or at least pretend to be dead. OK got that?  
  
Meiruorin: Uh Okay, I got that. how about you Draloromn?  
  
Draloromn: Hmmm. can you repeat the whole procedure from the start? Please.  
  
Assistant: Oh! OKAY! Sheesh! Cri-many!  
  
Draloromn: Hello! (Sarcastically) The procedure. Now!!!  
  
Assistant: OK. sure. whatever. in this scene.  
  
An hour later  
  
Scene: Miniature temperate forest with two night drows in the middle of the forest area.  
  
Assistant: OK! Places! Places everybody! The miniature trees are ready, and so as the extras. Archimonde destroys the forest with two night drows taking a picnic scene take one. Lights. Cameras. And AAAAAAACTION!  
  
Archimonde looms over the background with the domineering, opera music Archimonde: Behold the magnificent power of Archimonde. Prepare to be destroyed!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!  
  
*Just then three little pigs sneaked into the scene*  
  
Pig #1: Excuse me 'sir' but where is grandma's house?  
  
Pig #2: Yah. man (in Jamaican accent) we are lost and have to find this grandma's house.  
  
Maybe you could tell us the way there.  
  
Archimonde: I will tell you. NOTHING!!!! DIE!!!! LITTLE PIGGIES!!!! *Archimonde vaporizes the little pigs with his finger of death*  
  
All the Three Pigs: Squeal!  
  
Meiruorin: Wow! Stunning effects.  
  
Archimonde: CUT!  
  
Big bad wolf interrupts.  
  
Big Bad Wolf: I will huff and puff and.  
  
Archimonde: (Sarcastically) Blow you up into pieces.  
  
Big Bad Wolf: Wee!!!-- *explodes*  
  
Archimonde: Put up some fences around this place! TAKE TWO!  
  
Meiruorin: Oh Brother.  
  
Assistant: (The HELL.) Archimonde destroys the forest. Lights. Cameras. And AAAAACTION! Archimonde looms over the background, again.  
  
Archimonde: Behold the magnificent power of Archimonde. Prepare to be destroyed!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!! What the.  
  
Orc peon dressed in a little red riding hood outfit: I'm gonna go to the grandma's house.  
  
Archimonde: Oh. come here on my hand. come here. (Archimonde then placed the peon into Archimonde's mouth.  
  
Archimonde: (chewing) . hard to chew. (gulp.) CUT! Didn't I tell someone to put fences around this place! TAKE THREE!  
  
Assistant: Archimonde destroys the forest. AAAAAAACTION!  
  
Archimonde: Behold the magnificent power of Archimonde. Prepare to be. CUT! What is it now!  
  
Tichondrius: Can I join you in that part!!  
  
Archimonde: NO! '_'  
  
Tichondrius: Pretty please.  
  
Archimonde: Not even in your life.  
  
Tichondrius: Pretty please. (begs and shows with teary, twinkly eyes) with cherry on top  
  
Archimonde: Cherries are yummy.but NO! '_' Wait, doesn't that sound familiar. oh well,  
  
(sighs in defeat) Déjà vu and you can be at the center. with the rest of the extras.  
  
Tichondrius: (jumping with joy) ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ Oh thank you. thank you. thank youuu.  
  
Archimonde: Okay now, stop bouncing and jumping, you are ruining the entire set. And your cramping my own style... TAKE FOUR!  
  
Assistant: Archimonde destroys the forest. AAAAAAACTION!  
  
Archimonde: Behold the magnificent power of . Entire forest engulfs in flames giving Archimonde a dull stupid look and without warning he erupts.  
  
Archimonde: (angry, obviously) What the. CUT! I haven't even completed my line!!! Who's in charge of this mess?  
  
Assistant: um. the pyrotechnics sir.  
  
Tichondrius: Can I feign my death now.  
  
Archimonde: NO!!!  
  
Assistant: So what should I do?  
  
Archimonde: Bring 'em here. NOW!!!  
  
Assistant: But the pyroes were gone a while ago.  
  
Archimonde: Where?  
  
Assistant: Wait, here's one leaving with his limo.  
  
Pyrotechnician: Oh no.  
  
Archimonde: You won't live another day.  
  
Archimonde eliminates the pyrotechnician with ice storm.  
  
Archimonde: much better ^_^. Keeper of the. grooves (My god, isn't there anything worse  
  
than this) clean up this mess. Recover these tree thingys and do it fast!!  
  
'Keeper of the Groove': But 'sir' .  
  
Archimonde: That's SUPER DUPER ULTRASEXY AWESOMELY COOL DESTROYS EVERYTHING WITH THE FINGER OF DEATH ARCHIMONDE TO YOU!!! Subspecies. Now die!!!  
  
Assistant: (Sarcastically) Ahem.  
  
Archimonde: Okay. Okay. whats the problem.  
  
'Keeper of the Groove': It takes years to recover the scorched up crispy place.  
  
Archimonde: Ah shut up and recover it ASAP. in less than few seconds.  
  
'Keeper of the Groove' #2: Make up your mind. less than seconds or the possible.  
  
Archimonde prepares his finger of death to the victim.  
  
'Keeper of the Groove' #2: time!!! On the other hand, lets grow some trees, right?  
  
'Keepers of the Groove': Right!  
  
And with the magic of nature, the entire forest recovers in just 10 seconds. However, there are some flowers flooding the entire ground.  
  
Archimonde: Good. TAKE FIVE!  
  
Assistant: Archimonde destroys the 'groovy' forest. AAAAAAACTION!  
  
Archimonde looms over the background only to be replaced with the tasteless or rather unclassy music of the 70s (No offense people of the 70's, those are not for you). Archimonde: (with a dull look) Great! (Like I mentioned, isn't there anything worse than this) CUT! What's with the music and what that dancing sponge doing in the picnic area?  
  
Assistant: That's SpongeBob Squarepants sir.  
  
SpongeBob: Groooovy! Hey guys, let's dance.  
  
Meiruorin: Sure  
  
Draloromn: Okey Dokey.  
  
Tichondrius: Yummy, must eat more. Must eat more.  
  
Archimonde: ENOUGH! -*Uses finger of death to suck the sponge dry*- Enough is Enough. Place the entire set with Glyphs of Oblivion and whoever enters out of nowhere shall be obliterated. TAKE SIX!! Grrr!  
  
Assistant: Archimonde destroys the 'groovy' forest. AAAAAAACTION!  
  
Archimonde jumps from the background this time only to realize.  
  
KA-BOOM!!  
  
Explodes to his face...  
  
Archimonde: c-c-c-cu-cu. cut. *fades to the floor not noticing the entire forest is engulfed in flames due to the chain reaction*.  
  
He then recovers suddenly: Keepers of the Groove, recover this place. (then turns to Tichondrius) And stop eating the props!!  
  
Tichondrius: Oops. Sorry.  
  
Meiruorin: shall we continue to the next line.  
  
Archimonde: Why don't we just sit down and listen to football head over there planning what will happen in the next scene. of course not. we're not finished yet! (sighs to the last breath).  
  
Meiruorin: how cranky?  
  
Archimonde: A silent trap this time. Whoever, no matter how important it is or whoever enters out of nowhere that doesn't belong to the group in the picnic will suffer dire consequences. Mwhahahaha!!! (then transforms emotions) *cough* take seven.  
  
Assistant: Archimonde jumps etc. etc. action. Archimonde jumps from the background this time only to realize, again. POOF!!!!  
  
Meiruorin: ^o^ Dire Consequences. huh?  
  
Archimonde has altered into a cute furry, floppy-eared bunny rabbit.  
  
Archimonde: Behold the magnificent power of Archimonde. Prepare to be. destroyed, ha ha ha HUH? (thinks to himself) Why is Tichondrius, Night Drow boy and football head taller than me? - EEPS! CUT! What happened.  
  
Assistant: It appears that you have turned into a small cuddly mammal.  
  
Archimonde: I know but two questions: why am I transformed into an animal?  
  
Assistant: Ehh it's because YOU told us to set it all around against those that doesn't belong in the picnic area.  
  
Archimonde: OKAY. Why is it a polymorph spell if you could use an exploding thingy to blow trespassers into chunks of meat?  
  
Assistant: well it is not pleasing to young children. Archimonde makes an odd stupid look.  
  
Archimonde: Okay. Hey! For the last time do not eat the props or I'll vaporize you.  
  
Tichondrius: Wha. I'm not eating *gives the innocent look to Archimonde with an aching smile with an angelic halo around his head* *How ironic*.  
  
Archimonde: Need some help here. I'm a bunny rabbit.  
  
Elven Sorceress: coming.  
  
Archimonde: Okay, turn me back into normal.  
  
Elven Sorceress: Yes, but that may take a while.  
  
Archimonde: I want it instantly or I'll eat you .  
  
Elven Sorceress: Yeah right, tiny.  
  
Archimonde: (~_~ embarrassed) . oh yah, I'll eat you still, slowly and painfully even if my jaw hurts.  
  
Elven Sorceress: (LOL in awe) Okay. Okay. whatever.  
  
Bunny Rabbit Archimonde turned into Wacky Anime-type Archimonde with twinkly bug eyes wearing a school uniform holding a sucker at the left hand, while he resist to smile.  
  
Archimonde: (clasping his teeth by the smile) you're outta here.  
  
Elven Sorceress: Woo. I'm scared.  
  
Archimonde: You better. *finger of death* okay I need real help here.  
  
Lich: Yes, master.  
  
Archimonde: Not master, SUPER DUPER ULTRASEXY AWESOMELY COOL DESTROYS EVERYTHING WITH THE FINGER OF DEATH ARCHIMONDE TO YOU!!! Now change me back to normal.  
  
Wacky Anime-type Archimonde is now returned to the Real Archimonde thanks to the lichs of Ner'Zhul  
  
Archimonde: Okay no more traps, no more interruptions. TAKE EIGHT!  
  
Assistant: Action. Okay. you know the rest. Archimonde looms -blah- -blah- -blah-  
  
Archimonde: Behold the magnificent power of Archimonde. Prepare to be destroyed!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!! (thinking) Hmmm, something's not right. Something's missing. CUT!  
  
Assistant: Hey! All is going well. What gives.  
  
Archimonde: Haven't you noticed something missing, picnic food's gone!! Okay, another supply.  
  
Assistant: But there is nothing left there in the storage.  
  
Archimonde: What about some sheep over there.  
  
Assistant: But someone may own the flock.  
  
Archimonde: Nobody owns any sheep, just bring them there to the picnic area.  
  
Assistant: Sure.  
  
Moments later  
  
Meiruorin: (o_o startled) So what will I do to the sheep?  
  
Draloromn: Yeah, me too.  
  
Archimonde: Eat it of course.  
  
Meiruorin and Draloromn: (L disgusted) there is no way I'm going to eat sheep while still alive.  
  
Archimonde: Ah fine. He burns the sheep to a crisp  
  
Archimonde: okay, dinner is served, although it's too early.  
  
Archimonde looks at the watch to check the time. It's 2:00 p.m. Too early for supper...  
  
Meiruorin and Draloromn: (o_O still disgusted) there is NO way I'm going to eat sheep even if it's dead.  
  
Meiruorin: I'm vegetarian you know.  
  
Archimonde: Ah quit complaining and start eating or else I'll eliminate you.  
  
Meiruorin: (in a cutie voice) make me.  
  
Archimonde: Grrr!!!! Must.resist.urge.to.implode.must.resist.urge.of.exploding.body.parts.  
  
Tichondrius: Can I eat now?  
  
Archimonde: Okay. whatever you want. TAKE NINE, this time two night drows watching at the gluttonous dreadlord munching at the blackened burned sheep!  
  
Assistant: Archimonde in the forest with night drows watching. eating. etc. etc. Action!  
  
Archimonde: Behold the magnificent power of Archimonde. Prepare to be destroyed!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!! HuH! CUT!  
  
Manorroth: Oh, Hello. mind if I get some food?  
  
Archimonde: (places hand to his face) Why? Why are bad things happening to me lately. Isn't there a cafeteria in this place nearby?!  
  
Manorroth: Yes!  
  
Archimonde: Then why don't you get it from there instead of prancing in here getting some 'props' while the film is rolling. Oh brother, CUT! Get him out of here before I erupt and destroy this place, for real! Okay, coffee break, clean this place. We'll start in 15.  
  
Assistant: Sure boss.  
  
Meiruorin: Well. it was heck of a dumb story alright. but it will continue. if I am sane enough... 


End file.
